i,ve never met a mince south african
but it,s ooh la la la and it,s oh so "can can"
  but jungle jane a laughing gnome
 i,m living in an ideal home
 an x,mas special hand to glove
 it,s bring me sunshine bring me love

cause santa paws is coming to town
but he,s wearing big girls tights
twinlke toes that,s how it goes it,s x,mas fairy lights
but insane in the brain on my window refrain would girly shirley flee
but an all monster mash when it,s kensington flash
but who,s more than a woman to me
but madonna "true blue" as he,s all so "boo hoo"
we call out encore all the way

"you can tell by the way i use my walk"

that it,s such a good play for today
cause thicken to chicken kentucky fried licken
 we know that it,s all coming down

now  we,ve now see the dancers dance
it,s time now  bring on the clwn

(cause scrooge is a stooge  with his lipstick rouge)
  a dagger to heart it,s a blow
  "fernando" fought at  "waterloo"
  it,s a royal varity show

it,s panto time a snow white chime
(a rinky dinky doo)
a "humping . . . hero" centre stage
  a "fairy. . .  toungey" in view
an audience in baited breath
   hands sticky . . . . pop,s and fizz
call out . . . . "he,s behind you"
and . . . in many way,s . . . he is . . .